Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
