Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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