There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I lost the right to judge tonight
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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