Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
