ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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