did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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