my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
