I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
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I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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