I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
