Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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