I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
