She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
