My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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