What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
