didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
