you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
