whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
