What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
