yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
All the doctor said was why
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
