I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
