Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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