I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
