I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Randomize
