just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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