Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
