Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
