So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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