They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
