The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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