he wants to bone in the snuggie
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
