So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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