Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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