I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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