Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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