I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
