Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
