I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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