I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
