You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
