My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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