I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
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I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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