And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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