She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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