Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
