Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
