She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
