The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
this hospital has no fireball
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
