I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
