U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
