i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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