I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
