I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
