I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
