so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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