i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
