I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
