how can u be prego again
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
