lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
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You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
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Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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