Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
