then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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