I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
