We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
