Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
