I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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