I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize