My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
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I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
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Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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