...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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