Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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