and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
