I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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