yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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