I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
