You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
