I like to think it a success when the cops are called
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
