you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
