tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
