Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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