I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
